


Guarantees

by transtwinyards



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: BLLB-centric, Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M, POV Multiple, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4680890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtwinyards/pseuds/transtwinyards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Promises can be broken. These are guarantees. One thing that was certain in the middle of a sea of doubt and confusion.</p><p>Sometimes they didn't really help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guarantees

**Author's Note:**

> A bunch of character studies between and after moments during Blue Lily, Lily Blue. Comments are appreciated. If I got some shit wrong, pls tell me.

The Gray Man counted the days that he would expect his brother to somehow rise from the dead to drag the Gray Man down with him. It was an odd, insurmountable amount of days.

The logical part of him, the part that was a hit man, reassured that two bullets to the head could kill Dean Allen's brother. The anonymous Post-It would clear him of any involvement from the unsettling event. But the other part of him, the part that was Dean Allen, argued that two bullets would not be enough.

Anyone could run his brother over with their car, three times (for luck and good measure) and they could still come out the victim of the assault.

The fear ran deep, as most things did. Maura was wise to have told him that he needed to be braver, because now he felt that he did need more bravery.

Killing someone was one thing, but connecting a face and a name to the victim was never a good idea. He always held that thought to his heart. Now, he didn’t know why he even bothered. His brother was never a face and a name that the Gray Man would forget.

He let his mind go through the events of the last few weeks. Let his mind go through the events that would branch out from his decision.

Greenmantle would come looking for the Gray Man. He would come to look for the Greywaren. He would come to destroy what the Gray Man had found.

The consequences were not a promise, they were a guarantee. 

“You’re safe as long as you're here,” a small voice muttered, one that only the Gray Man could hear.

Abruptly, he pulled back from his thoughts and remembered himself.

Today was another gray day, the fifth one since the murder. The fifth gray day since Maura Sargent had disappeared. It was probably past the time for breakfast, but there he sat on bed. There he sat, staring at the cluttered walls of Maura Sargent’s bedroom.

And by the door, stood another person from the house, watching the way he just sat on Maura's bed.

It was Persephone. Her hair was puffed in the way that meant that she’d been sleeping, or trying to go back to sleep.

“Did I wake you?” The Gray Man asked. His tone was already prepared for an apology.

Persephone shook her head, and her blond puff followed the action closely. “You’re not loud. Just, repetitive, I guess. It’s been five days and all I’ve been waking up to is gray.”

“Sorry,” he replied anyway, because he knew he was a bother. Right now, Maura Sargent was lost, is lost, or currently getting lost in a cave. And right now, the Gray Man was in her room, sitting on her bed.

 _She_ should be here, not the Gray Man.

“Don’t be,” she said, and then padded off to somewhere else in the house. The Gray Man went back to what she had said when she made her presence known – because Persephone always had to make her presence known, even to the Gray Man.

_You’re safe as long as you're here._

The Gray Man wasn't so sure if they were safe as long as he was here.

* * *

Adam Parrish was not used to being outside the dust and gravel for too long.

He was not used to gnarled roots poking out under trees as old as he was, maybe older. He was not used to chest-high fields of wheat and grass. He was not used to nature surrounding him like a cocoon.

Cabeswater had all of those. Adam was not used to Cabeswater.

Sharing a mind with an ancient, foreign forest was not something someone could just get used to. But if said mystical forest started showing you apparitions and disturbances, wouldn't you have to get used to it?

Adam did not regret his bargain. Regret was not an emotion that Adam permitted himself to feel.

He supposed having a connection to an ancient being had its perks. Something about repairing Cabeswater made him feel like he was repairing himself. He was working toward a goal. He was getting something done. The pulse of the ley line gave its results, and Adam reveled in the feeling of accomplishment.

Adam made the trek back to his shitty tri-colored car. Hondayota, Ronan had called it. Adam couldn't help but smile a little at that. Like most of the things that Ronan named, it stuck.

He keyed at the door and let the warm air from inside waft out, before reaching in to turn on the engine. He tossed a rock, one the size of his fist, into the trunk. It clattered as it fell with the steadily growing collection of rocks in the trunk. Cabeswater had meant for him to keep them for future use, and Adam wasn’t going to haul all of them up into his apartment.

As he let the air conditioning kick in, Adam leaned on his car and stared out into the distance. He let his thoughts wander.

It’s been a month since Blue’s mother had disappeared underground. A month since the cave and Cabeswater had popped out from the ether. A month since Joseph Kavinsky’s death.

School was going to start up in another month, and Adam had to adjust again. Every hour of labor counted now. And since he had his time-off devoted to going see if the cave was safe for entering, repairing the line, and advanced studying, Adam was more than ready to drop like a fly and sleep for six hours.

He stood up straight and gave the field one last look before entering his shitty car, and pulling back into the dirt road he’d taken to get there. He could go home and catch two of those hours. That felt like a goal.

He pretended to not notice the wave of relief that came over him when he encountered the gravel again. He was not used to nature. The air conditioning was making the tip of his ears cold, and he heard the shift of trees, the steady trickle of water. Maybe Cabeswater wasn’t used to him either.

That was a comforting thought, a goal.

* * *

 

Ronan let himself be satisfied by the sound of the BMW’s tires squeaking in the pavement of Monmouth’s parking lot. It squeaked as the BMW made a showy slide a few feet from the Suburban, splashing rain water and mud on its exterior. Ronan let himself be satisfied with that too.

He peered up at the second floor. He saw the lights that were still on, that meant that Gansey was still awake.

Ronan rest his head on the top of the steering wheel, half-conscious of the song on the radio. He had not set up his MP3. He didn’t bother. A sappy country song twanged through the speakers, and Ronan wasn’t listening to it.

He didn’t want to be in Monmouth. He didn’t want to listen to Malory wheeze and cough like a goddamn whoopee cushion in Noah’s room.

Ronan replayed his conversation with Adam. Ronan replayed his whole day, why he even decided to go to Boyd’s after dreaming up what he did. Ronan didn’t have to replay what Adam last spat at him, because it was already replaying in his head.

He wanted to punch something. He wanted to forget everything.

Ronan knew the remedy for both, but he didn’t do it. A part of him, some masochistic part, thought that this was for the better. He wanted to remember this the next morning, wanted to remember what he gave Adam and what that would mean to him.

Ronan always did hate that masochistic part of himself. That masochistic part of himself that always seemed to care that he and Adam always argued. They _always_ argued. Arguing with Adam Parrish was inevitable, a guarantee.

There was no use avoiding it.

 _Be a loser if you want to, but don’t make me a part of it to make yourself feel better_.

Ronan drove out of the parking lot. He had no destination. He had no goal. He wouldn’t wait for Kavinsky’s pack of dogs because they had no reason to gather and come near him. He wouldn’t drink himself into a stupor, because Gansey had no idea where he was and… _and_ …

Ronan stared at the darkness past the glow of the stoplight.

He hated being left to his thoughts.

* * *

 

Gansey and Adam were hyper-aware of the fact that this search was futile. Gansey was more than aware that he was going to try anyway.

Gansey felt the dirt burrow deep into his fingernails, felt the pebbles biting into his bare knees. Behind them Gwenllian didn’t help. Gansey didn’t count on her to, seeing as they’d bound her.

The stampede of woken animals had long since been gone. Gansey wasn’t sure if they were just out of earshot, or if they were teleported out of the cave somehow, or brought back in time to trample all over their old Latin teacher.

Adam punched at the dirt in frustration, startling Gansey out of his methodical digging. The action struck Gansey as something violent, something Adam wouldn’t do. The action struck Gansey as something Ronan would.

Adam stood up to calm himself, pacing back and forth. Just like that, Adam was back to being Adam.

“Oh, don’t hurt yourself, Adam Parrish,” Gwenllian rolled her eyes. “Do you not feel them on your line?”

Adam skidded to a stop and leveled a look at Gwenllian. This, Gansey was familiar with. The calm before the storm. But Adam had no storms to unleash on Gwenllian. “No. No, I don’t,” Adam replied calmly, the way he held himself said otherwise.

Gansey felt a sudden feeling of cold air hit the back of his neck. This cavern was impossible. There shouldn’t be any wind this far down.

A boot hit his hand, and Gansey startled.

When he wasn’t looking, the cave that Ronan and Blue had disappeared into reappeared.

Ronan stood, without ghost light of any kind, alone by the opening. And just as soon as Ronan stepped out from the opening, the cave disappeared again. Gansey didn’t see all of it happen, it was like seeing Noah slowly dissolve from one of them to the ghost that he really was.

Gansey blinked, and the cave was gone.

Blue was not with Ronan.

Adam was the last to notice Ronan’s silent return, and he was hit by a look of relief that Gansey didn’t think he’d seen on Adam yet.

“Where’s Blue?” Gansey asked, standing up from his crouched position.

Ronan turned his head to look at him, and then looked away. “She told me to come back the way I came. She found her mom.”

“Lily is fine,” said Gwenllian. It did not sound like a promise. It sounded like a guarantee. Gansey had forgotten she was even there. “There are more exits to the lake than there are entrances.”

This did nothing to appease Gansey’s gradually growing worry. But it seemed to do Ronan a solid, since he said, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

* * *

 

Blue sat behind Gansey’s seat in the soulless Suburban, operating the playlist on the way home from the airport. It had been a week since everything had happened.

 _Everything_. That was the only word that Blue could use to describe the last month.

After they’d gotten out of the cave, they had to hitch a ride back to Henrietta. Mr. Gray had to manhandle Artemus into a vehicle. It was a funny sight, until Blue’s mind registered the bullet wound in Artemus’ arm.

On the way back to Henrietta, Blue allowed herself to forget about the shooting in the cave. She allowed herself to tell Maura off. She allowed herself be happy for her and Mr. Gray reuniting. She steadily ignored Artemus’ presence, though he kept staring. Then, when Artemus fell asleep, she fell asleep too.

Blue reached over between Gansey and Adam’s seats to secure the MP3 before leaning back out. Blue was vaguely aware of the fact that Ronan’s right foot was touching Adam’s arm from where he sat, stretched out in his seat.

Blue pulled her feet up, onto the seat, before deciding against it and mimicking Ronan’s position. She settled her feet on his stretched out leg until he protested. Then, she put them in his lap.

“You guys want gelato before heading home?” asked Gansey. He met Blue’s eyes in the rearview mirror. She gave him a noncommittal grunt, one that Ronan mirrored.

“Yes,” said Noah from the seat behind them. Adam jolted, and the Suburban swerved a bit. Ronan heaved one loud laugh, _ha!_ Noah smiled, pleased.

Blue smiled and listened to her boys banter. For this car trip, this week, she forgot about the future. Forgot about the death list. She let herself mourn Persephone, and Jesse Dittley. 

Everything. This was everything Blue needed right now. They would stay with her. She didn't have to worry for how long that would last. They were a guarantee in her life.


End file.
